He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
two words: eviction party
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
