So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
