handjob tips. give me some.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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