Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
