We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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