We named our party play list daddy issues
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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