I accidentally burped into my bong.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
