don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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