i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
