pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
