Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
