Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
