whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
