I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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