He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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