please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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