Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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