There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I would ride that face into the sunset
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
