with your own penis?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
