If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My feet surprised me
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
