I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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