u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
...so i touched it.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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