I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
