That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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