i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
