You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
