You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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