I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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