atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
