Yo dont text me then not text me
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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