as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
