He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
