he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I think we might need a safe word for this...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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