He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
