i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
