She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
