I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success