Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.