my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My ATM looks so different sober.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.