Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.