Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent