so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.