My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
