gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
i've created a new STD.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Randomize
