I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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