I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
only you would photoshop your dick
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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