The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
