Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
