Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
