I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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