I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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