I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
