Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
