Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize