After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
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There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
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I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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