I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Sober January is a disaster.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
