You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
