im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
