I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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