She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
