All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
