Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
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you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
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"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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