all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Randomize
