how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
