She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
