if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize