Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
