so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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