Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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