If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
