then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
