his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He shit in the fireplace
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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