It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
