is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Randomize
