Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
