I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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