lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
