Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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