It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Randomize
