C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
They have beer where we have blood.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
