I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
