she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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