Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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