You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
