do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
