Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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