When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
