Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
