She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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